Simple FULLFEELment

“Working has never been this fun for me. Probably, the experience I want can go beyond submission of an academic requirement; having better grades… This is finding fulfillment on small things that have left remarkable memories in my heart…”

            It took me days to think how I would go writing my journal for the fifth time. Honestly speaking, I am still waiting for my asigned event to happen, hoping that if that day would come, I could surely share substantial experience that could serve to some readers of my blog a food for thought. That I could say to myself that I am productive, that I am a learned individual capable of accomplishing it. Yes, for me that would make me different from the other. It was even quite idealistic and, I know some people think that same way as I am. For some time, I became disinterested of the assigned task handed down unto my palms. I became tired of waiting and days became ordinary for me. I’ve been submitting myself to work for the mere reason that the idle time I felt in the workplace can be an addition to my duty hours.

            I don’t want to draw regrets for myself to suffer dissatisfaction. One time, while I was on the class of Ms. Jumawid, there was this word she told to the class that moved me. She said that happiness could not be found by simply waiting for it. She even added humor to it by saying that happiness could never look for us for it will never know where our exact addresses. The class even laughed because of its humorous sense however as I was listening to it, I tried to apprehend it clearly and I realized that there was more to think out from it. Perhaps it’s true for in some instances happiness can never be found by waiting but at some point happiness is created. Relatively to say, happiness is also a choice.

            Then I said to myself why would I hurry much with the things that is not yet to be realized? On the other perspective, I should be glad to have that wonderful relationship with my colleagues in the workplace. I should be gratified to have a good supervisor who keeps us exposed to event organizing. I should be satisfied that every simple task we do, we do it in our noblest gesture and we enjoyed it a lot. I should not be disinterested for working has never been this fun for me. Probably, the experience I want can go beyond submission of an academic requirement; having better grades and attaining the required number of duty hours. This is finding fulfillment – happiness on small things that have left remarkable memories in my heart. Now, I learned not to count what is not there but to cherish what has been given. I am always thankful to God for all the blessings and especially the gift of friendship that I have come to realize out from them. Sooner or later, when my most awaited assigned event will come, I am pretty sure that it will not only be me who would be working hard to  make it  a success, but I know we will go as a group with the same aim- to achieve success and happiness. Now, I want to throw this question to you.  Do you feel the same way too? J

Sulat ng Unang Tagpo

            I made this one early on the first weeks of my fourth year life.  I happened to realize that time is paving its way too swift. Then, I then said to myself that before I pave the way to the ending I should try recalling the first's of my firsts days. I don't know if we shared the same thought but that I started writing this and posted it here on my blog.

            Sa buhay  ng tao, dahil sa dami ng ginagawa, iniisip at dinaramdam malimit sa atin ang nakakapansin sa mga unang tagpo. Kung baga sa pelikula, kalimitang inaalala ng mga manonood and mga kapanapanabik na mga eksena hanggang umabot ito sa wakas ng estorya. Sabihin man nating inaabangan eto dahil yun ang mga pinakamahahalagang pangyayari, ngunit kung lubos nating iisipin di iyon makakarating sa wakas at sa mga masisidhing kabanata  kung di dahil sa napagtagpi- tagping simula. Sa simula kasi nabubuo ang mga unang palagay tungkol sa estorya. Mga unang tagpo na hindi  na mamamalayan ng mga tao. Naisasantabi, naisasawalang bahala. KAYO? naalala n’yo pa ba ang unang pagkakataon na tayo'y nagkita, nag-usap, nagtawanan at nagbiruan?, eh, ang una nating di pagkakaunawaan,unang pag-aasaran? sino nga ba sa'tin ang napikon? Eh, unang awayan, tampuhan at di pagpapansinan? tiniis mo lang ba ako nun?Ano naman kung tatanungin kita kung ano ba talaga ang nauna sa lahat ng nagyaring una? Sasagutin mo ba?

                Mahirap ding balikan ang lahat ng mga nauna, kaya nga sa tingin ko napaisip at napa buntong hininga ka na. Pwede naman sigurong gawing simple ang tanong ko. Paano kaya kung ganito, sa lahat ng nauna alin dun ang pinaka namiss, nami-miss at mamimis mo? Nagawa ko nga bang simple  ang mga tanong ko para sayo? Parang pareho lang yata, ganun pa rin. Napapaisip ka pa rin, napapakamot sa ulo, natitigilan, nauutal, napapangiti at ang iba dyan, nagsisimula ng maluha? Bakit? May nabuo ka na bang eksena sa likod ng iyong isipan? Meron nga siguro. Kaya mo ba itong pagtagpi tagpiin gamit ang lapis at pahina ng isang papel? Marahil, marami kang maisusulat, umaasa ako. Maaaring yang kasalukuyang naiisip mo ang isa sa mga naunang tagpong bumuo sa isang eksenang kapanapanabik  at pati na ang mga taong naaalala mo ang mga tauhang bumuo sa unang kabanata  ng  kwento. Nasaan ka, sya, sila, kayo, tayo sa likod ng estorya? Baka di mo na magawang sagutin ang tanong ko, pero ayos lang. Hiling ko ay sana naisulat mo lahat  ng masasaya, nakakainis, nakakatawa, nakakatakot, nakakakilig, nakakapaghinayang, nakakapangilabot na mga alaala sa papel at hindi sa panaghoy ng hangin. Sa ganoong paraan, ‘pag may nagtanong kung nasaan nga ba ako, sya, sila, tayo, kayo sa kwento mo, ipabasa mo na lang lahat ng naisulat mo. Wala man sya, ako, sila, tayo o kayo sa kapanapanabik at wakas ng kwento pero kahit man lang sana nasa unang kabanata. Ang unang tagpo kung saan nagsimula lahat ng mga alaala.

                Hinahanap mo na rin ba ang aking naisulat? Huwag kang mag-alala, iaabot at ipababasa ko sayo lahat ng iyon sa oras na magtanong ka !

                

The Stage

Do you have fears? Well maybe we shared the same feeling about it. TRY reading this one !!!

“Curtains closed and lights off.’’ Everyone is rushing to and fro. One after the other, quite a few is rehearsing like they have been battling over their lines for so many times. While on the corner someone is standing still, staring straight with that old wooden clock hanging near the backdoor. It’s almost four o’clock in the afternoon. Until Ms. Jane went on having role calls in the backstage. As she continues role calling, someone’s on the list’s not there. Then, what could Ms. Jane do is to ask where’s that someone is.

Human by nature have their own fears. It is in the sense that men response to something he or she is not prepared of; either it may be an external or an internal fear. More often than not, most common are those fears that have been discovered externally. But as fears develop in ones heart and mind, these outgrow to an internal fear that will lead everyone to weakening up his or her self worth or trust. This kind of fear perhaps acts like a virus that numbs the entire system of the body.

Ms. Jane never knew I went hiding on the dressing room. I don’t know what to feel and how to act at that very moment. No one knows how my blood pumps too much making my heart beat fasts together with the tic-tac of the clock I was staring at. I never even heed to notice Ms. Jane’s horrible mother-like voice of Cinderella calling me to stay ready at the backstage. The piece of paper I’m holding turned into pieces and my sweat came out like droplets. It was already four fifteen in the afternoon. Another fifteen minutes of waiting and I’ll explode into pieces right at the very eye of the crowd because of so much stage fright. The fear that seems to be a virus is starting to run down throughout my body. For sure, there won’t be any greatest escape. When the curtains and lights turned on, I felt like I was critically a virus victim being crippled with no choice but to stand without any crutches at all. I started looking over the faces of those in front of me.  There I saw Ms. Jane and the rest of my friends. Right then I remembered how they’ve taught me to see on my mind's eye the crowd as coconut husks having colorful designs on top of their heads. Surely I could imagine but   better yet, they were coconut husks who yell so well. Anyhow, there’s no harm in trying so I did.

So to say, standing in the middle of everybody is a different story for any individuals’ perspective. But, probably the greatest motivation for someone who has gone experiencing stage fright is the capacity to consider what and who is his greatest foundation. Likewise, I won’t surely be motivated to perform if and without the best support of my peers and mentor. A sense of focus and well driven purpose could either turned those stage anxieties to constructive and positive input of thoughts. Hence, though fear or anxiety is innate to men, one could take action on controlling the negativity compelled by this emotion.

Then, the show began and it surprisingly goes on and on. I delivered my speech like I was full of courage and I even sung a song with soothing relieve. Mean to say, no one could lead and direct one’s life but only oneself.  The bottom line is that one develops fear when he worries for something that is beyond his or her control. So then, why one would bother to think what the other one might be thinking about him? when in fact he or she could just own the stage like the way I did.

My Own Camera Lens

“All the world is a stage, all the men and women are merely players. They have their exists and their entrances; And one men in his time plays many parts.” This is just one of my favorite lines coming from the famous stage play of Shakespeare. Yes, perhaps  we are actors and actresses of our time and we have so many roles to play but the greatest distinction in this so- called drama of our lives among the other is that the setting is real, the script is not written, the mood is interchangeable and the story’s  ending  is unknown. Once the character is embraced, one has to act as if it’s the last. Lights, camera, action!

This college is my stage. The prelude of my first years in college was filled with uncertainties of what character I should play. I have gone taming my tongue knowing that everything around is new to me at that time. The first name calling, the first meeting of the teachers and classmates, the student orientation and the “tell me about yourself” scene in a classroom  were just a few which I wished the teacher would forget. Anyhow, the significance of that getting- to- know stage came into a realization when I met those few people whom I called my first college friends. Those friends were the other characters of my story but unknowingly, their few who have taken their exists already.  Another year another pace came into my sight. Little by little I learned to accept wholeheartedly the changes that seem to be the twists in the real drama of my college life. Who would have thought that I have befriended some people that I thought I couldn’t get along with? I have admired teachers that I thought so impossible to deal with, and especially I acknowledged principles that I thought so impossible to believed in. True enough, one would never know unless he or she tries. The learning of accepting chances and taking choices happened on my sophomore days. The year next to it, if I may say was the best feature of the play where most of the scenes have wonderful periods and I have performed the greatest performances of my life. In a way, I have come to conquer my frustrations, I have developed my self- esteem, I have shown my potentials and I became the truest person I could ever be. It was indeed the fulfilling point where I have let no one defined the kind of person I should be. I laughed like there’s no tomorrow, I weep like I’ve never done it before and I have loved like I’ve never been in pain. A character I wish I would always be since then.

I’m still paving my way to the grand finale; the last year of my college life where my hopes and dreams are yet to be realized. So for now, I should say… cut! and to be continued… J

A Team Works

Event Organizers of the 1st Poster-Slogan Making Contest for Sinulog 2011

Work while you work. Play while you play. That’s the usual words they would always say. Work while you work may mean to have the sense of focus and play while you play says to take the truest enjoyment. But either way around, the event that had happened yesterday was a meeting halfway of these two.

In some situations, they say working in groups is more chaotic than working alone most especially when it’s about event organizing. Yes, that was even my notion before because eventually working with groups might as well lead to a conflict and misunderstanding because of some differences. Unknowingly, I find this concept not pertinent with the group I belong. “We work as a team and we are the Sinulog Foundationers”. This refers to a group of individuals who share the same workplace; of course in Sinulog Foundation. Just in case you want to know where this coined name originated, it was Alei who sought nothing but to call as this way. I so happened to realize this one that indeed we deserve to be called as such after the Poster-slogan Making Contest held in ‘The Stage’, 4^th floor of Elizabeth Mall yesterday. We’ve been working passionately to make that event possible and we really had a very great time enjoying it. If a picture paints a thousand words then I will let those pictures say their thoughts. We go hand in hand, taking that day as an essential tool for us to achieve growth. We don’t need to step each other’s feet to make that event successful though such event has been given individually. We laugh like there’s no tomorrow, we dance like no one is around and we have taken the best efforts to help each other. Thus, we work and play harder than it seems. Probably, we are taking into our hearts the idea of the festivity of Sinulog. One beat, one dance and one vision. “We work as a team and we are the Sinulog Foundationers.”  I really desire that for the next events that we will be experiencing, still, superb enthusiasm and remarkable camaraderie will take into our paths. 

The Glass Door

       Stories always have their flow. Also, no good stories can ever be realized without identifying the characters, probably, the antagonist and protagonist and most likely it is called a story because there has been a conflict on it that triggers every mood and setting in a scene. If I were to tell this story to you, I am not certain who were really neither the antagonist nor the protagonist, but this story happened behind that glass door.

         Technically, there was only one setting- the office. If you tried to enter you will eventually notice first few faces as characters in this office. The first one you would really notice is a middle aged gray-haired woman beside the front door of that office. She normally answers questions but only speaks a little though, she knows how to smile. She prefers not to be called as “maam” but rather “nanay”. Next to her is a tanned man with an average height. I don’t know if he’s married or not but with his physical features, he could easily be noticed because of his dimples.  Then, next to that man is a chubby self-spoken woman who always flaunt her relations to his brother-in-law. (that I don’t know why she should) Don’t mind asking her name. We just gave her a pen name. Then, bordering her is a woman by her 30’s, if I may guess. Honestly, what she does most often is just to seat and update once in a while her social networking account. By all means, she knew how to answer calls but eventually knows also how to quickly pass the phone to the other if ever there are queries she’s not sure of answering. (She’s the secretary, by the way). These few people in that office reflects different kinds of personalities that were present in most or some cases in a government establishment. There are only a few of them who worked genuinely. Most of them spend their working hours without any productivity at hand. Yet, they were paid at legal cause. Amusingly, some tend to work hard only when the head is around. All this things done by these people happened behind that glass door.

          I became quite startled when I experienced this kind of set-up for a week. I felt like I could perhaps use my time well if ever I had the task to do and perform. Sad to say, there are protocols to follow; there were “chain of commands”. I have to wait when the task will be of favor to me. Still, days counting I have been observing them. Only to find out that unknowingly I shared already the same glass door with them- the idleness of time. I couldn’t even help it but to ask myself if I had made the right decision to be part of that setting. I don’t want to be in conflict with myself. I wish I am not the antagonist of this story.

I’m still hoping that I won’t reside to any regret as time goes by. Nonetheless, I am mere too expectant of the things I wish to happen when I decided to enter this portals. Behind the glass door is a very crucial risk that should have been done ever since. There should have been the responsibility of each employee to work on even without the control of the management. For like a nail that wouldn’t be hammered will be of no use specially if it already rustled. I have seen it all and I don’t want to act as if I never seen it for once. But the best way to break this hurdle is that to create a change in one’s prerogative about work ethics and value of excellence. Start of change in oneself. God abides.

Meet the non-winged Angel

          When I was a kid, I always believed that angels are those immortal-winged creatures. They appear in white cloudy garments with their halos on top of their head. Ridiculous I was on those days, I really wished for angels to appear in front of my naked eyes. Then, I was always been told by my mother that they only become visible when I could only do good things that would be pleasing to angels. Naïve like any other children, I always tried my best to do any good act. Every time that I have done it well, I would turn my head looking for them behind my back. I couldn’t know how many times I tried it but I always end up in despair not seeing even the smallest nail of their foot. While my mother finds for some reasons why angels couldn’t be of my vision, she sees to it that I could still believe that angels are yet there even though they are not glaring to my sight. Perhaps, that thought told by my mother towards me was the very remarkable word I’ve been holding to about my childhood beliefs on angels. Wide as the array of light in heaven, later then I knew that angels could have their existence in disguise. Of course, I would really hope that there would be no gender specification on that matter. It could be a gay beautician, a bald man, a gray- haired woman, an old maid, a toothless infant or even a deaf-mute learner. Yes, angels are everywhere and with what happened to me and the rest of my colleagues? I tell you we already met our angel in disguise, and that in a teachers’ persona. (…that is supposed to be a secret :D)

              I have finally come to give the unidentified meaning of angels through that teacher. He happened to be our angel who appeared at those times that we became helpless. Angels are not immortal-winged beings; instead, they are mortal guardians who know how to protect and to caress. I was just so amazed how he listens to us at some instances that we are accused of a wrong doing in our workplace. The look of his eyes could already speak too well how strongly he believes us. With him I found our fragility and importance and that humbles us to do good in the place where we will be spending our practicum days. Probably, concepts about angels have bedazzled each of us so that we could strive to do good things at some point in our lives. I could now already let go of the thought of seeing even a single nail of an angel for there are a lot of angels living in this world ready to share their big hearts. We don’t need to search for them for they appear amidst of our melancholic situations and more likely in our victorious moments. By the way, I should say that this teacher- an angel in disguise is known for his competence and versatility. Busy as he may be but he never fails to guard his herd of childlike students. As I say, this is supposed to be a secret so if you happened to know this teacher, please extend your sweetest smiles to him :)

Piece of Memoirs: A Sweet Keeping of Distance

Piece of Memoirs: A Sweet Keeping of Distance: " Writing is my passion. I write my talk. I could still remember way back on my sophomore days when I got so inspired learning ..."

A Sweet Keeping of Distance

               Writing is my passion. I write my talk. I could still remember way back on my sophomore days when I got so inspired learning the basics of technical writing- news writing. It was quite different from feature writing which I am of interest to but quite in a while I learned to realize that news, with its technicalities it was far better writing it.  Yes and perhaps, I also dreamed of having those gray lines hanging on newsstands read by most people-my news. Anyhow, I thought this feeling would go the same as I took my second internship. I became indecisive. I’ve never been that so sure of my decision to where would I’ll be spending the next 200 days of my internship. Some of my masscom friends even foresee me applying in a print company. Humility aside, it was my pride to hear from them compliments reflecting that in a way I have the capability to write news articles. However, it never became my enough reason to follow what has been their expectation towards my undertaking. There were several questions thrown over my face, uncertain though I gave them a nutshell reason.” Writing news was never been a problem, it’s just that I am loosing the fire’s flare. I had it enough on my radio internship days.” I may have sounded a dim-witted creature but all I know is that I had these feeling that might not as well be understood by some of them. I was then like a woman who kept her distance with her man; it was not because she stopped loving him but because she wanted to discover more about life, more than that love he knew together with her man. I will never get tired of loving the art of writing and it would never make me less of a writer if I could not have the banner stories in a newspaper. I just wanted to immerse myself from any undertaking that would keep me burning, that would teach me more untold stories more than my search for odd events in a day.

                Keeping my distance from the thing I used of doing was so hard. Yes, I had the overriding thoughts of what if’s and if ever. Honestly speaking, I am afraid. Same as that woman who took her few steps away from his man, I am afraid of walking away from my comfort zone and entering the new path with which I am not sure of but I have to because I want to grow different from the usual. This would be a matter of choice- a risk of course; over fate. So, if ever I became exhausted of the new thing I decided to inhabit on, then I should start asking myself where would be that genuine happiness could be found. Way around, what matters most is not what others think, what others say and what others do. I’ll just draw another picture of love- love for one’s own choice. If I truly deserve to be part of media in the future, then I’ll steadfastly turn back to it by any chance not that because others told me to do it so but because it’s my own choice of taking the real happiness and growth. So For now, I’ll have to be the master of my own fate, I’ll let myself be interested in event organizing where I could somehow learn media planning and promotions. Let the woman walk with her heart’s wide open for new challenges. Nevertheless, in the right place she will be a better person in her time.

Please feel free to read and comment on my future blogs. Godbless!